Andy Burnham announces debt-busting Nigerian prince deal
by Viv Aldi 3 months ago 
Prime Minister Andy Burnham has announced that he has found a “revolutionary solution” to the UK’s £3 trillion debt problem, after exchanging a series of messages with a Nigerian prince, who says he has a fortune sitting in an account and “just needs a little help getting it out”.
Following coverage of his recent experience exchanging messages with someone impersonating Donald Trump’s Chief of Staff, the Prime Minister said he was inundated with genuine international diplomatic opportunities.
“I admit I was initially suspicious of the Prince,” said Burnham. “But then he sent me a photograph of himself standing next to a Mercedes, which pretty much settled it. He also addressed me as ‘Dear Esteemed Prime Minister’, so I know he’s legitimate.”
Burnham told reporters that the prince has access to £3 trillion but is temporarily unable to access it. Under the proposed deal, the prince will transfer his entire fortune to the UK in exchange for Burnham’s bank details, passport number, National Insurance number and a modest £25,000 administration fee.
“He’s even promised to reimburse the fee,” said the Prime Minister. “So technically, we’re making money before we’ve even received the cash.”
“He did also ask me to send £5,000 in Amazon vouchers, but he insisted this was ‘standard international financial procedure’”.
The PM said the prince had assured him the £3 trillion would arrive within 48 hours, although there had been a slight delay because he was currently “stuck at an airport in Lagos with a suitcase full of gold”.
Burnham is reportedly so confident the deal will succeed that he has already made plans to spend the money on reducing NHS waiting lists, improving public services and installing a giant statue of the Nigerian prince outside the Treasury.
The PM said he was particularly encouraged by the prince’s final email, which began: “Dear Andy, I am not a scammer.”
“Frankly,” he said, “you don’t get that sort of reassurance from just anyone.”
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