Pepto-Bismol ‘Diarrhoea Man’ enters Clacton by-election

The Pepto-Bismol ‘Diarrhoea Man’ will stand in the Clacton by-election, it has been announced. 

It moves Nigel Farage into third-place in the polls behind Diarrhoea Man and Count Binface, whilst Laurence Fox sits in tenth place despite there only being four candidates.

“It’s time for a better Clacton,” said street cleaner and Pepto-Bismol ambassador Diarrhoea Man.

“My manifesto is simple: Bring an end to nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhoeeeeeea. That’s all there is to it. A clear and simple message the voters can get behind. No more lies, no more grifting. Just a working-class bloke trying to make your insides a more comfortable place.

“Look, Nigel Farage doesn’t scare me. I’m used to dealing with shit, so there’s no change there. Laurence Fox? I’ll let him shoot himself in the foot. The only one who could challenge me is Count Binface. He will be a worthy competitor. He’s likeable, his ideas are solid and he knows his audience. I look forward to seeing who comes out on top. 

“My fellow Pepto-Bismol pals are already canvassing as we speak. So far we’ve had hundreds of locals giving us their support. The construction worker in particular has gone down really well. I genuinely believe he could make a wonderful Chancellor in a future cabinet. But let’s concentrate on becoming an MP before stepping up to Prime Minister.

“Vote Diarrhoea Man!”

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