Katy Perry revealed as Artemis III commander

Katy Perry has been promoted to commander of the Artemis III mission, NASA has announced. 

Following her 11-minute mission into space on Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin spacecraft in 2025, Perry will take the next step in her astronaut career by taking command of Orion.

“Our hands were tied,” said NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman, staring into the void and questioning his life choices.

“Jeff Bezos said he wouldn’t let us dock with his Blue Moon lunar lander if we didn’t make Katy Perry commander. We’d ideally have gone in a slightly different direction if it was up to us, but this is the way things work nowadays. The billionaires call the shots.

“That being said, I’m sure she’ll do great. I mean, 11 minutes in suborbital space is more than enough experience to command a two week moon mission. We unfortunately did have to reject her request to bring a choreographer, though. Because obviously, when you’re leading an extremely dangerous and high-stakes mission, the most important thing is to keep in rhythm. 

“To be honest, our biggest fear is that she sings ‘What a Wonderful World’ again like she did last time. That was basically our only condition. The other astronauts have urged us to install a self-destruct button, just in case, but that was probably a joke. 

“Okay, they might’ve been serious.”

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