Tony Blair still a thing, apparently

Despite trying our very best to forget him, the UK has been cruelly reminded that Tony Blair still opens his mouth from time to time. 

The Board of Peace member and likely war criminal – who stopped just short of calling for an AI Prime Minister in his 5,700-word essay – has been offering his thoughts on the state of the country, which is obviously something we were all massively keen to hear.

“I thought we’d all stopped listening to what Tony Blair had to say?” said Simon Williams, rolling his eyes at the former Prime Minister’s giant essay.

“I don’t have to read this whole thing do I? Can’t we just all agree we’re sick of listening to Blair and get on with our lives?

“Why couldn’t he copy Liz Truss and put all his terrible opinions onto a YouTube channel instead? She was an idiot, but at least she didn’t make us read what she was saying. 

“Christ, he’s still talking about having closer ties with America. It’s hardly surprising, considering he’d jump off a cliff if Bush asked him to. Oh, here we go. He’s banging on about how great AI is now. It’s almost like the Tony Blair Institute got hundreds of millions in donations from tech billionaire Larry Ellison. How convenient. 

“Oh, well. At least he isn’t asking us to keep using North Sea oil after this week’s totally-normal 35-degree heatwave. Oh, he is? Hmm. I’m starting to think Tony Blair doesn’t have the country’s best interests at heart.”

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