Keir Starmer arrives at work wearing Andy Burnham mask
by Nathan Cowley 6 months ago 
Keir Starmer has arrived to work this morning wearing an Andy Burnham mask, Downing Street sources have revealed.
Keen to recapture the support of some of his disgruntled Labour MPs, the Prime Minister has decided that pretending to be Burnham would be the best way to unite the party.
“It’s incredible how well it’s working,” said junior minister Simon Williams.
“I’m not even sure some of them realise it’s a mask. They’ve been walking past him saying ‘Morning Andy’ and ‘Looking good Andy’. And even the ones that know it’s a mask appreciate the effort. It’s the little things like pretending to be somebody entirely different that people respond to.
“Apparently if it keeps going this well Keir is just going to become Andy Burnham full-time. It’s not a bad idea really. Burnham has a lot of supporters in the Labour Party. And the best part is if he runs into someone who’s still a Starmer fan he can just take the mask off again. It’s a win-win situation.
“He’s also made up some prototypes for Angela Rayner and Wes Streeting masks just in case. It’s probably best to cover all bases if there’s going to be a leadership contest in the near future. At least this way he can tie up the real candidates in a warehouse somewhere and carry on pretending to be them.
“It’s very crafty from Keir. I like it.”
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