‘Can I also have £75,000 for getting sacked and possibly breaking the law?’ asks rest of population

The UK population has today asked if they would be entitled to a £75,000 government payout after being sacked for possibly breaking the law.

With news emerging yesterday that Lord Mandelson was given £75,000 by the UK Treasury after being sacked for numerous offences, the general public has now asked whether they can also receive a massive payout for being utterly terrible at their jobs. 

Commenting on the news, civil servant Simon Williams told us, “This is great news! I’m assuming everyone gets this payout if they are sacked under suspicion of breaking the law?

“I was watching the news earlier, and spotted that Mandelson was paid £75,000 by the government after being sacked for his links with a convicted paedophile, and possible misconduct in public office.

“And I thought it was brilliant news, because I owe approximately £90,000 on my mortgage and that would pay a large chunk off it. Does the payoff rise the more significant the crime you’re being investigated for? I’d happily steal some stuff if they add another twenty grand.

“The timing is good because I was also thinking of changing jobs anyway, so I think I’ll just get sacked instead of bothering to resign. 

“It’ll be much more relaxing to look for a new job with a nice payout in my back pocket. It really is a great deal. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner!”

Asked if he has any links to convicted child abusers or if he has broken the law, we were told, “Afraid not, but I’m happy to consider it for the right financial incentive.”

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