Quentin Tarantino begins auditioning feet for West End debut

Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino has begun the process of casting feet for his upcoming play on the West End, it has been revealed. 

Tarantino has written an “old-fashioned British farce” which he aims to open in London later this year, though he first needs to find the right feet for his new project.

“I’ve seen hundreds of feet this week,” said Tarantino, drooling uncontrollably. 

“These feet have to be perfect. They can’t just be any old feet, alright? Trust me, the right feet can make or break a project, okay? Like when I first saw Margot Robbie’s feet I instantly fell in love, you dig? I was in feet heaven. But Margot-type feet don’t come around that often, okay?

“I’m sorry for all the panting, but these feet need to be flawless, okay? They’re absolutely essential to the plot of the play, alright? If I don’t lay my eyes on the right feet, the investors will pull my funding. It’s that simple, okay? I just can’t explain to you how important these feet are going to be.

“You need to trust me, okay? Women’s feet are the backbone of modern entertainment.

“Without the perfect pair of tootsies I may as well not even bother, alright?

“I can’t stress this enough, okay?”

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