When I said I’d stop the boats I meant the British Navy, clarifies Starmer

The Prime Minister has proudly announced there have been no crossings whatsoever by British sailors ‘in weeks’ today.

Starmer, who made it a core pledge of his election campaign that he would ‘stop the boats’, went on to clarify that he meant the Royal Navy and people should regard this as a massive success.

“In the past Britain had literally hundreds or even thousands of boats and ships going to-and fro across any ocean they pleased without any hindrance”, he said.

“Well, I’ve put a stop to all of that. Now not a single British ship puts to sea, even if they’re desperately needed.

“It is very likely that this government will ensure there are no boats at all by the end of this Parliament”, he continued in that proud but oddly robotic way he has.

When asked about boats crossing the channel, the Prime Minister looked sad and said he’d tried asking the gangs to stop very nicely and they hadn’t, so he’s all out of ideas now.

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