Oscars organisers desperately trying to work out how to politely refuse entry to guests with Tourette’s

Oscar ceremony bosses are desperately trying to work out the best way to politely refuse entry to anyone with Tourette’s Syndrome.

With the BBC apologising this week for a number of racist slurs shouted by someone with Tourette’s at the BAFTA’s at a time when two black presenters were on stage, bosses at this year’s Oscars have now decided that there is not a fucking chance anyone with Tourette’s is going anywhere near the ceremony. In the nicest possible way, obviously.

A Spokesperson for the Academy told us, “Not a fucking chance. Excuse the language by the way.

“We are aware that there is a film about Tourette’s this year which has a very good chance of winning an award.

“And we are also aware that Tourette’s syndrome is a terrible neurological disorder, and the people who live their lives with it should not be discriminated against in any way, and should be allowed to attend public events.

“But also… fuck that. Did you actually hear what he shouted? We just can’t have that shit in Hollywood. He’ll probably do it again. We all know it. Sorry.

“We just need to come up with a nice way of saying that he cannot come, and neither can anyone else with Tourette’s. Ever. Just in case they shout the… you know… something really bad.”

Asked what they can actually do that doesn’t appear to discriminate against people with a disorder they have no control over, we were told, “I really don’t know. Can we just give them the wrong time or something, or pretend it’s been cancelled?”

Meanwhile, Derek Williams, who has Tourette’s told us, “Let me get this straight, at the Oscars you can walk up to a presenter and slap him in the face, and you still don’t get banned for life? But the fear that someone like me might offend someone means we can’t go?

“Cunts, the lot of them.”