Andrew Mountbatten Windsor finally learns how to sweat

In a development described by palace aides as “medically fascinating and legally inconvenient,” Andrew Windsor has reportedly experienced his first ever bead of perspiration after decades of confidently insisting he was physiologically incapable of doing so.

Witnesses claim the historic moisture event occurred shortly after men in suits arrived to have what sources called “a firm but polite chat involving paperwork, cautionary phrases, and the sort of tone usually reserved for library whispering emergencies.”

For years, the former Duke famously attributed his alleged sweatlessness to a wartime medical condition, a claim that baffled dermatologists, physicists, and anyone who has ever attended a school disco.

Now, however, insiders say his forehead has begun producing what experts are calling “a frankly disconcerting amount of sweat.”

A source close to the situation explained, “At first, he thought it was rain. Indoors. Then maybe condensation. Also indoors. Eventually, someone suggested it might be sweat, at which point he requested a second opinion from anyone except a qualified medical professional.”

Medical historians are already hailing the moment as a breakthrough.

“This confirms centuries of scientific understanding,” said one scholar. “We have long believed that stress causes perspiration. Now we know it can induce a sweaty mess even in someone who claims not to have sweated for years.

“Though we are worried he might drown under the volume of sweat if they ever get round to charging him with anything related to all those young girls.”

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