Morgan McSweeney to recommend Gary Glitter as new US Ambassador

The Prime Minister’s chief of staff Morgan McSweeney has advised Keir Starmer to appoint Gary Glitter as the new US ambassador, after his vetting process came back completely clean.

McSweeney, who is under serious pressure after lobbying for Peter Mandelson’s appointment, is hoping to get back into the Prime Minister’s good books, assuring him that nothing could go wrong with Glitter joining the team. 

“I’m thrilled to say nothing came up in our vetting process,” said an ecstatic McSweeney.

“I discovered Glitter’s music on YouTube a few weeks back and immediately thought he’d be a great asset. Everyone loves a rock star, so surely he’d go down great in the US. I was just thinking the charisma and allure of a musician could really charm the Trump administration and cement stronger ties between our two countries. It’s a stroke of genius really.

“I’ve interviewed Gary a couple of times, and he seems a really nice, genuine guy. I asked if there was anything bad I should know about him, and he promised there wasn’t. Look, when someone looks you dead in the eye and says ‘I’m a good bloke’ I tend to believe them. At the end of the day, there’s only so much due diligence you can be expected to do. 

“The only problem I found was when Gary told me he suddenly stopped making music in the late 90s. I didn’t ask why. I don’t like delving too much into people’s personal lives. He probably just had writer’s block or something.

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”

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