Far-right devastated to learn Guy Fawkes was an English national and not an asylum seeker

Members of the far-right have been left devastated today after learning terrorist plotter Guy Fawkes was in fact an English national, and not an asylum seeker who arrived on a small boat. 

The most infamous of the conspirators behind the Gunpowder Plot was hung, drawn and quartered back in 1606, though some are still struggling to believe Guy Fawkes was actually born in York.

“This can’t be right,” said Derek Williams, trying to get to grips with the shocking revelation. 

“He can’t have been from England. People from England never commit any crimes. Are you absolutely positive he didn’t arrive on a small boat? I could’ve sworn I read an article about Guy Fawkes throwing his passport into the Channel. 

“I just find it hard to believe dozens of posts on X claiming that Guy Fawkes was an asylum seeker are all wrong. If there’s one thing I know about X, it’s that every single post is 100% factual. It’s all very suspicious if you ask me.

“I mean, what about the video I saw of Guy Fawkes arriving on the beach in Dover? Okay, I’ll admit there’s a slight chance it was AI considering he had eight fingers on one hand and there were no cameras in the 17th century. 

“But still, it makes you think, doesn’t it?”

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