Virginia Giuffre’s memoir released on sweat-repellent paper

The posthumous memoir of Virginia Giuffre has been released on sweat-repellant paper, the book’s publisher has confirmed. 

The highly anticipated memoir, titled ‘Nobody’s Girl’, was released today, detailing fresh allegations against Prince Andrew, who will luckily be able to read the book without drenching every single page in sweat. 

“I think we all know who the sweat-repellant paper is for,” said Doubleday employee Simon Williams. 

“Honestly, even the sweatiest person in the world could drip their noncey residue all over the page, and it would remain completely dry. Each page is essentially a hydrophobic sheet. It’s really quite revolutionary. We’re extremely proud of it.

“Obviously a certain somebody claims they have a medical condition that doesn’t allow them to sweat. But let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that this person was lying and actually is able to sweat, then he or she could read the book without fear that their salty liquid would ruin the integrity of the paper.

“That’s not all either. The book is also resistant to mozzarella and tomato sauce. You know, just in case anybody wants to read the book whilst they’re dining at a restaurant like Ask Italian, Zizzi or maybe Pizza Express? 

“I’ve heard the one in Woking is quite nice.”

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