US Treasury unveils brand new Trump-Epstein $1 coin
by Nathan Cowley 1 year ago 
The US Treasury has unveiled a brand new commemorative $1 coin featuring best pals Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein to celebrate America’s 250th birthday.
“The design came out great,” said US Treasurer Brandon Beach, showing off the silver coin featuring Trump and Epstein.
“Everyone knows America turns 250 in 2026, so we wanted to do something special to commemorate the big day. Originally we were just going to put President Trump on the coin, but I kept seeing that lovely photo of the two best pals everywhere and thought why not use that instead?
“Obviously we’ll have to replace the words ‘Fight, fight, fight’ from the original design. We’ve had a lot of emails from people in the UK suggesting we should put ‘Nonce, nonce, nonce’ on the coin. I’m not entirely familiar with British lingo, but I’m assuming nonce is another word for patriot. It certainly has a nice ring to it anyway.
“Rest assured we’re not stopping with the coin either. We’ve also replaced Abraham Lincoln on the $5 bill with Trump’s drawing on Epstein’s birthday card. Sure, a lot of shopkeepers have been complaining about throwing up in their mouths a little bit every time they have to hold it up to the light, but we think it’s a lot more patriotic than the bloke who freed the slaves.
“Lincoln was an overrated president if you ask me.”
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