2025 Notting Hill Carnival formally closes with traditional deluge of racist punditry

The famous London street festival has once again ended with badly written tirades associating petty crime with black culture.

An online persona called EnglishPatriot4life claimed the honour of getting the first bigoted comment of this year’s carnival when he linked it to a month-old stabbing in Croydon.

His misspelt tweet was logged at 0.091 seconds into the 72 seconds of silence for the victims of the Grenfell tower disaster, which is a new record.

Many racists see the event as the official end of summer and have been hard at work making tired memes featuring black men fighting next to a picture of a policeman twerking.

Tabloid papers have also helped portray the festival as a violent bacchanal by maintaining a strict 3/1 photo ratio of shirtless men being arrested versus scantily-clad women having fun.

Sunday Express reporter Simon Williams explained that painting a joyful popular event as the Mau Mau Uprising required great skill.

He told us, “Frankly it’s a miracle that a party of 2 million resulted in only 400 arrests. That’s the same percentage of arrests to attendees as Glastonbury, so we have to work really hard to paint the Notting Hill carnival as a hive of criminality when you’re as at risk there as you are at Glasto.

“But if chuck in enough drag queens and BME teenagers and I can get the codgers muttering complete bollocks about absent black fathers while eating their Sunday Roast.”

This year also marked the highly anticipated return of Reforms ‘everything black people do is bad’ campaign, which reminded Reform voters that a packed float at a carnival is basically a small boat for the roads.

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