‘We meant HUG your MP’, insist Kneecap
by Nathan Cowley 2 years ago 
The Irish-language band Kneecap have attempted to clear the air by insisting they actually meant to say ‘Hug your MP’, not ‘Kill your MP’.
It follows the recent controversy surrounding footage of the trio calling for MPs to be killed, which has led to cancellations to some of their gigs around the UK and Europe.
“People need to chill out,” said Kneecap’s publicist Simon Williams.
“It was a simple slip of the tongue. We all say things accidentally sometimes. I mean, hug and kill. They’re very similar phonetically when you think about it. Now we’ve lost some money, we’ve realised how much the two words actually sound alike.
“The boys would love nothing more to than to feel the warm embrace of an MP. I’ve heard Robert Jenrick is a really affectionate and loving guy. I’m sure Kneecap will get on with him really well.
“Don’t worry. Kneecap will have a clean-cut image from now on. No more Irish tricolour balaclavas or tracksuits. We’re talking full tuxedos and Beatles haircuts. I won’t have anybody expressing their views or opinions. Not whilst we’re losing this much cash, anyway.
“This will all die down eventually. We’re just lucky so many people in the social media comments are replying with, ‘Who?’ The more people pretending not to know who Kneecap are, the quicker this whole thing goes away.”
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