Man who ran out of de-icer forced to scrape car windows like he Amish or something 

A Basingstoke man suffered an unprecedented hardship this morning when he discovered his car windows covered in frost and, to his horror, realised he had run out of de-icer, forcing him to manually scrape the ice off like some sort of 18th-century peasant.

Simon Williams, 48, who has spent years proudly relying on chemical solutions to do the work for him, was left “shaking with rage” as he was forced to dig through his glove compartment for an old loyalty card to claw away at the frozen windshield like his primitive ancestors once did.

“I thought we lived in an advanced society,” Williams fumed, still rubbing his reddened hands together after several minutes of gruelling scraping.

“I pay my taxes. I recycle when I remember. And yet here I am, hacking at frost with a bit of laminated plastic like I’m in some sort of Victorian workhouse.”

Sources confirm that after several minutes of scraping, swearing, and briefly considering setting the car on fire and claiming the insurance, Williams resorted to another ancient method—turning the engine on and letting the heater do the work.

“I was forced to wait nine whole minutes,” he muttered bitterly, shuddering at the memory.

“It’s 2025. I should be flying to work in a hovercar, not reliving the horrors of the 1990s,” Williams added, referencing a time when de-icer was not yet an essential survival tool, but a luxury reserved for the exceptionally prepared.

At press time, Williams had finally set off for work, still ranting about the injustice, as his neighbour eyed him suspiciously – having just experienced the true horror of finding his car door frozen shut.

Advertisement

WANT TO GET RIDOF ALL THE ADS?

Support topical satire for the price of one coffee month!

SUBSCRIBE HERE →