UK set for more floods as Sports Direct mug knocked over

The UK has been told to brace for more flooding after a man accidentally knocked over his Sports Direct mug. 

Local resident Simon Williams has today apologised for his clumsiness, with Met Office issuing a red alert for flooding across multiple parts of the country.

“I blame the dog,” Williams told us. “She was jumping up trying to get the biscuit out of my hand and the tea just spilled everywhere. It was absolute carnage. 

“I’ve called all my neighbours to warn them. They’re putting sandbags outside their houses as we speak. 

“The locals aren’t too happy with me. I’ve already had half a dozen people giving me the finger as they floated down the river of tea in their kayaks.

“How do they think I feel? I’ve wasted a perfectly good PG Tip and chocolate Hobnob.”

Snow and ice have caused major flooding in the UK this week, with temperatures reportedly plummeting to -16C in some areas.

“Sports Direct will be getting a phone call from my lawyers,” said a furious Williams. “You should’ve seen it. It was like a tsunami when that mug hit the floor. 

“That’s the last time I’m making that mistake. I’ll be having espressos from now on.”

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