Daily Mail dusts off ‘SNOWMAGEDDON!!’ headlines as light flurries expected in Highlands next week

The Daily Mail is continuing its campaign to scare the shit out of its ageing readership by readying its annual ‘SNOWMAGEDDON!!’ headlines ahead of an anticipated cold snap next week. 

Chief weather reporter at the Daily Mai, Simon Williams, claims those lucky enough to survive weeks of the anticyclonic gloom could be in for further misery as ‘The BEAST FROM THE EAST 2!!’ hits the UK in coming days.

“Not to sound alarmist,” says Williams, “But this cold snap really could spell the end of civilisation as we know it.

“Temperatures in England could get as low as -2, so our advice is to stay indoors and call your loved ones to say goodbye.

“Last year we said there would be 96 days of continuous snow and there was actually only 4, but this year we’ve got a Labour government which means we’re all going to freeze to death.

“The Met Office claim that the cold weather is due to winds coming from the north, but next week when you’re freezing your bits off with hypothermia, just remember this is all Angela Rayner’s fault.”

The Met Office has cautioned against alarmist new stories regarding the impending cold snap.

“Yeah, it’s a load of old bollocks,” says meteorologist Fenton Barnes.

“It will turn a bit colder, and some places could see some snow. But guess what? its winter. The weather we will experience next week is perfectly normal for this time of year.

“If people are really struggling to keep warm they can always burn their old copies of the Daily Mail.

“In fact I’d recommend doing that at any time of year.”

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