Rishi Sunak promises very large numbers

Tory leadership contender Rishi Sunak has promised a series of very large numbers should he become Prime Minister.

The promise comes in the wake of leadership favourite Liz Truss who had previously promised some really quite large numbers.

“Nine million, three hundred and fifty-six thousand, one hundred and forty-four,” said Mr Sunak, to great cheers at a meeting with Tory Party members and other psychopaths.

“If I become prime minister then that will be only the number we start with, within months, I expect to see a larger number than that, and then by a year on we could be looking at numbers twice that, perhaps even three times!”

Simon Williams is a Tory Party member who runs a child chimney sweep company.

“I wasn’t sure about Rishi to begin with, but I have to admit, that really is a very large number indeed. Much larger than I’d ever have expected and, as it stands, much larger than anything Liz has suggested. I’m impressed.”

Although there is no official comment from the Liz Truss team, according to rumours they are rattled by the Sunak numbers.

A campaign event scheduled for this morning has been cancelled, it is thought, to allow them time to try and brainstorm even larger numbers than Rishi Sunak has promised.

Current speculation is that Liz Truss could pledge a number somewhere in the region of eleven million later this afternoon.

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →