Wild celebrations at Downing Street as no-one resigns from government in almost an hour

Wild celebrations have swept Downing Street in the last few minutes with news that no-one has resigned from government in almost a full hour. 

With resignations now occurring more often than Downing Street parties during lockdown, celebrations have begun this afternoon at the news that not one single government employee has actually handed their resignation in since at least an hour ago.

A Spokesperson for the government confirmed “The resignations have stopped! Yipeeeeee.

“We can confirm that no more people have decided to leave their government positions due to a complete lack of trust and respect for the Prime Minister in almost an entire hour. Almost.

“This is absolutely great news and clearly demonstrates that the whole parliamentary party, those who are left anyway, fully support Boris Johnson and have no intention of fleeing the sinking ship like all those other rats have done before them.

“This is a time for great celebration and shows that everything is back to normal and we can continue to create a complete shit show for another few weeks at least.

“We just need to continue to govern with who we have left and get on with the day job of dealing with our correspondence.

“Such as these letters here which are….oh fuck … There’s more!”

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