Greg Clarke ‘deeply saddened’ after saying what he was actually thinking out loud

Former Football Association chairman Greg Clarke has advised today that he was ‘deeply saddened’ that he actually said all of the racist, misogynistic, homophobic and just utterly fucking stupid things that he believes ou loud yesterday.

Following comments made inexplicably during a select committee meeting to actually discuss racist abuse of players on social media, Clarke was forced to resign after completely forgetting that he wasn’t in the pub with all his stupid friends.

Speaking earlier today he told us, “I am of course deeply saddened that I said what I was thinking out loud, or indeed spoke at all, actually.

“I completely forgot where I was and thought I was talking to my good friend Charles in the pub as we always talk like that.

“Obviously when I said coloured footballers I meant to say black, and when I said gay players were making a ‘life choice’ I meant to say they should be respected for who they are and welcomed into our game, even the coloured gay players. I mean black. Fuck.

“And when I said that girls don’t like having the ball kicked at them I meant to say something else out loud, probably non-sexist or something.

“Oh and when I said that our whole IT department is full of South Asians and Afro Caribbean’s, erm, Jesus, I actually didn’t mean anything at all to come out of my mouth that time, and the fact that it did deeply saddens me.”

A statement from the FA confirmed that former comedian Jim Davidson will take over the role with immediate effect.

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