SNP offers an A-grade in Politics to anyone who can think of a way to blame exam result fiasco on Westminster

Scottish Deputy First Minister John Swinney has told pupils not to worry too much about their lower than expected exam results, because you can get all A’s and still be a hopeless twat.

Sixth form pupils in Scotland have reacted with outrage today after results showed over a hundred thousand exam results had been marked down from predicted grades despite no exams being taken, resulting in Swinney taking to twitter to reassure them

“It really doesn’t matter if you get good results or not,” he Tweeted.

“I got all A’s and went to Edinburgh University, but clearly that’s no predictor of ability or competence.

“If you think about it, by failing you in two of your Highers and giving you a D in the third I’m saving you from a career trajectory like mine, hopelessly overpromoted and veering from crisis to crisis worse than Dominic Cummings testing his eyesight.

“But anyone who can think of a way to blame this on Westminster will receive an Advanced Higher in Politics and a job offer as Alex Salmond’s personal assistant – if they’re a girl.”

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