Tuesday 4 August 2020 by Davywavy

Nation with strict gun-control laws somehow manages tenth successive year with no mass shootings


British gun laws see tenth successive year with no mass shootings

A country with strict gun control laws has somehow managed to go another year with no mass shootings.

The achievement, widely agreed to be impossible by self-proclaimed firearm experts on the Internet, is being met with surprise and outright disbelief in the United States.

Experts in Gunology, which includes anyone with an Internet connection and a short temper, insist that the only way to avoid regular massacres is for everyone to be armed and decry anyone who thinks differently as ‘fukcin stupid basterds I shoud waist yer gay ass’, whatever that may mean.

Internet experts often cite studies drawn from the voices in their heads which suggest that people being unarmed increases their chances of being shot by, oooh, a ‘million-billion percenticles’ or something.

Sadly, they then go on to ignore the fact that people being armed increases their chances of being shot by their own children by a similar amount.

Responding to the news, President Trump took a sombre tone.

“My fellow Americans”, he said. “It has long been known that if you take guns off the good guys, only bad guys have guns.

“Well, it seems the UK has waaaay fewer bad guys than we do.

“I guess they’re just better people than us, those total losers.”

American scientists are stunned by the lack of massacres and have announced a US$17-billion, ten-year study into how nobody went on a shooting rampage in a place where guns are legal but a bit more difficult for lunatics to get their hand on.

However, the NRA has pledged to lobby against the study being funded, insisting it is entirely unnecessary and a complete waste of time and money.

“There are regular massacres in the UK,” spokesman Simon-Bob Williams told us. “You just don’t get to hear of them because of the New World Order Zionist ZOG Media hiding the truth.”

“Wake up, sheeple!”, he added.

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