Trump triumphal arch to feature golden, winged Jeffrey Epstein

US President Donald Trump has said his proposed triumphal arch will feature a golden, winged Jeffrey Epstein on the top of the structure. 

Announcing on Truth Social that the arch would double as a military complex to store ammunition, Trump also provided some extra details on the design features of the arch, which includes a golden statue of his friend and convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

“We tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted,” said architect Simon Williams.

“We kind of liked the original idea of a golden, winged Lady Liberty standing on top of the arch. Obviously, it’s a little bit tacky, but we’ve definitely heard worse ideas. For example, a golden, winged statue of a convicted paedophile and human trafficker. That’s the kind of ‘worse idea’ we’d be talking about here.

“Hey, he’s the boss. He can have whatever he wants. I was about to say ‘Hey, it’s his money’, but we both know the taxpayers will end up paying for it. Just like the ballroom and the Oval Office revamp. Heck, they’ll probably have to pay for a new Kennedy Center as well. Sorry, I mean ‘Trump Center’.

“He also told us he wanted to amend the phrase ‘One Nation Under God’ that will be written on the arch. I personally think ‘One Nation Under Trump’ was a bit much, but the designers changed it to ‘One Nation Under Paedos’, which is more accurate, but probably not the message we want to be putting out there. Like I said, if that’s what Donald wants, that’s what Donald gets.

“I just hope he makes this one algae-proof.”

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