Ukraine concerned to find ‘ACME’ written on UK missiles

Ukraine has aired their concerns today after receiving blueprints for the UK’s Storm Shadow with ‘ACME’ written on the side of the missiles. 

Initially excited by Andy Burnham’s gesture to hand over blueprints for the missiles, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was less pleased upon seeing the word ‘Acme’ plastered all over the projectiles. 

“I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely happy with what the UK has given us,” said President Zelensky, glancing over the blueprints for a pair of rocket-powered roller skates. 

“Am I going nuts, or isn’t Acme the company that makes all those dodgy products Wile E. Coyote uses? Because if it is, then I need to have a little word with Prime Minister Burnham. We can’t be having missiles backfiring in our faces. We’re trying to defeat Putin here, not the Road Runner. 

“He assured me the other day that these were the most advanced weapons the UK had on offer. He guaranteed these missiles would help secure victory over Russia. Now I’m wondering how many times a week Andy Burnham crashes his car into a tunnel painted on a wall.

“Honestly, if I see a shipment of anvils or dynamite plungers this week, I’ll go absolutely ballistic. 

“Oh, well. Acme is still probably better than the missiles Michelle Mone was trying to flog us.”

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