Gullible idiot already working out England’s route to the final

A gullible idiot is already working out England’s route to the World Cup final on his wall chart, according to his wife this morning.

Sharon Williams noticed her husband Simon hard at work calculating England’s route to World Cup glory following their 4-2 win over Croatia, though she didn’t have the heart to tell him his beloved team will be knocked out in the quarter-finals.

“He’s in complete denial,” said Sharon Williams, watching her husband turn into the football equivalent of ‘A Beautiful Mind’.

“He truly believes we’ll beat the Netherlands in the last 16, France in the quarters, Argentina in the semis and Spain in the final. Is he on crack? I know we’ve got a decent manager and a decent squad, but this is England we’re talking about here.

“Honestly, he’s been up all night working out the various possibilities and permutations of who will top the groups, who will come second and third. I’ve told him there’s literally no way to predict what’s going to happen, but he’s not having it. He’s determined to find England’s best path to glory, even though he literally can’t do a single thing about it.

“I’ll even concede we’ve got one of the strongest squads in the tournament. And to be honest, apart from France and Spain, the other countries aren’t much cop these days. Actually, come to think of it France weren’t great at the Euros. And Spain winning was basically a complete fluke.

“Hang on. Maybe England could win it after all…”