Scientists reclassify the shortest measurable unit of time as that which occurs between a Tommy Robinson inconvenience and the launch of his fundraising page

The world of physics is in shock after scientists announced the reclassification of the shortest measurable unit of time after Tommy Robinson was held at Heathrow following his return from Russia.

Previously, the attosecond held the prestigious title of shortest measurable unit of time, but it has now been dethroned by a new metric: the infinitesimal interval between Tommy Robinson being inconvenienced in any way, and the launch of his latest fundraising page to ‘fight the system’ that is oppressing him.

The revelation came to light following the announcement that police had confiscated his phones at Heathrow as the convicted fraudster and regular ignorer of British laws returned from a highly suspicious trip to Russia.

However, what truly astounded observers was the speed with which Robinson pivoted from “Oh no, the two-tier system is coming for me again!” to “Please send me your money so I can fight the system that is oppressing me!”

“It was remarkable,” said Dr Simon Williams, lead scientist on the project.

“One moment, it was being announced that Tommy Robinson had been delayed at Heathrow, and in less than the blink of an eye, a slickly designed fundraising page was live, complete with heart-wrenching testimonials and a variety of donation options.

“We had to recalibrate our instruments to even get close to measuring the time between these two linked events.”

Robinson, who has an Irish passport and has built a career by railing against law-breaking immigrants, seemed unfazed by the irony of his situation. Instead, he doubled down, claiming the police’s interest in him is part of a grand conspiracy against his tireless work to protect nations from precisely the sort of person he has now become.

The fundraising page, titled “Tommy’s Latest Legal Defense Fund,” quickly amassed donations, proving that no inconvenience is too small to profit from.

Robinson’s loyal supporters, clearly untroubled by the glaring contradiction of him being against criminal foreigners while being the law-breaking owner of a foreign passport, opened their wallets with lightning speed, ensuring their hero could continue his battle against, well, people like him.

As one donor told us, “I don’t care that he admitted in court that he blew £100k in donations on gambling online and in casinos, I just want to give him more money because he says words that make me want to give him money.”

In the wake of this discovery, scientists are now contemplating further studies into the “Robinson Interval” and its potential applications in fields ranging from quantum physics to digital marketing and sports timing.

Meanwhile, Robinson remains defiant, already planning his next venture: a seminar on rapid response fundraising techniques.

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