United States’ opening match attended by 500,000 fans, claims Donald Trump

The United States’ opening match versus Paraguay was attended by over half a million fans, Donald Trump has estimated.

Taking place in Los Angeles, Donald Trump estimated the United States’ first game was attended by 500,000 fans, despite the stadium holding a maximum capacity of 70,240.

“It’s the most attended soccer game in history,” said Donald Trump.

“Huge numbers. Some would say the most numbers there’s ever been. Mathematicians couldn’t comprehend the kind of numbers we’re talking about. So big. So big, folks. People were saying to me, ‘Donald, you’ve made soccer great again.’ Soccer is so popular because of me. So huge.

“Los Angeles needs Trump. The failing Gavin Newscum couldn’t dream of the kinds of numbers that were in the stadium. He treats me like a dog, folks. He treats me so bad. California would be dead without me. Everybody’s saying it. Trump saved California from the fires, and now he’s saving soccer.

“I love soccer. What a game. So beautiful. They call it ‘football’ in many countries. We’re trying to change that. Maybe we should call it Trumpball. What do you think, folks? I think it’s a great name. We’re the hottest country in the world. So hot. So soccer-y.

“We’re going to win this cup so big.”