Patriots demonstrate commitment to equality with promise to riot for all of last year’s 49,151 knife crimes

The UK is to have a riot for every single knife crime that occurred in 2025 in the name of equality, it has emerged. 

With the civil unrest in Southampton and more recently in Belfast, the UK has decided to be fair and equal by rioting and creating violent disturbances for each and every one of the 49,151 crimes involving knifes and sharp objects that occurred last year. 

“There’s quite a backlog,” said patriot Derek Williams.

“However, we believe we have enough petrol bombs to protest all 49,151 instances of knife crime in 2025. And that’s just England and Wales. We haven’t even added last year’s knife crime in Scotland and Northern Ireland yet. We could be looking at close to 70,000 riots by the time we’re done.

“It’s the fairest thing to do. It isn’t right that only Southampton and Belfast should have property destroyed. We want to see houses and cars fire-bombed all across the country. We’re nothing if not impartial. Each town and city has the right to be destroyed by thugs.

“Stabbing in Birmingham? That Ford Focus is going up in flames. Knife attack in Blackburn? That house is getting blown to smithereens. Sharp object confiscated in Swansea? The local JD Sports is getting its windows smashed in. It may sound excessive, but it’s the right thing to do in the name of equality.

“Justice will be served.”

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