Arsenal players swap champagne for Manchester City tears
by Nathan Cowley 6 months ago 
In a petty retaliation, Arsenal players have decided to swap the usual celebratory bottles of champagne with bottles of Manchester City tears.
Arsenal lifted the Premier League trophy for the first time in 22-years at Selhurst Park, making the occasion even sweeter by emptying out the champagne and spraying Man City fans’ tears all over each other instead.
“In hindsight, it wasn’t the best idea we’ve ever had,” said Declan Rice, drenched in the salty residue.
“We were just trying to have a bit of banter back at that City fan with the Arsenal bottle. To be fair, we probably should’ve pretended with water instead of actually extracting real tears from City fans. It took all week for us to fill those bottles up as well. Never again.
“What were we thinking? I’m covered in this horrible stuff instead of delicious champagne. I nearly gagged when someone dumped the bottle on me. It’s meant to be the best day of my life, but here I am wringing eye sweat out of my shirt.
“I bet Henry and Bergkamp didn’t do this. They probably thought about it and then realised being drenched in a litre of Manchester United or Chelsea tears is absolutely disgusting. Mikel did try and talk us out of it.
“I wish we would’ve listened.”
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