Boris Johnson already planning hantavirus lockdown party

Former Prime Minister Boris Johnson is already stocking up on booze for his hantavirus lockdown party, it has been revealed.

The former PM and his Conservative government held several parties and social gatherings while everybody else was in Coronavirus lockdown, with Johnson now reportedly making arrangements for a hantavirus get-together, just in case.

“We probably won’t have a lockdown for hantavirus, but it’s better to be prepared,” said Boris Johnson, working on his party playlist.

“They say hantavirus rarely spreads between humans. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stock up on beer and spirits, though. You never know when you might need it. I’d look pretty stupid if we go into lockdown and I don’t have any booze ready, wouldn’t I? No way I’m letting that happen.

“The guest list is already sorted, so at least that’s one thing ticked off the checklist. We’re getting the whole band back together. Cummings, Rishi and Matt Hancock have all RSVP’d. Not to mention Michelle Mone who apparently has some business idea she wants to pitch me about PPE.

“God, I can’t wait to make the public look like absolute fools again. Remember when they were all following those silly rules? That was so funny. We kept peeking out the window and laughing at everyone with their little masks on, standing two-metres away from each other.

“Fucking hilarious.”