Arsenal fans on verge of becoming insufferable

Arsenal fans basking in the warm, unfamiliar glow of being favourites to win the Premier League in May are said to be teetering on the brink of full-blown insufferability, following Manchester City’s deeply inconvenient draw with Everton.

The result has left Arsenal in pole position heading into the final stretch of the season, prompting supporters to adopt the sort of serene, knowing smiles normally reserved for people who’ve just said “I told you so” without actually saying it.

Football fan Simon Williams told us, “I work with two of them, and this morning has been unbearable. They’ve been calm, reasonable, and quietly confident. It’s like they’ve transcended normal human emotion.

“They keep saying things like ‘we just need to stay focused’ and ‘it’s in our hands now’. I mean, who do they think they are? Professional athletes? It’s absolutely sickening.”

Williams added, “One of them mentioned that City dropping points means Arsenal are now favourites, so I had no choice but to loudly remind him that ‘favourites’ is just another word for ‘about to bottle it’. He just nodded thoughtfully. The man’s lost all sense of reality.”

Arsenal’s position at the top has also reignited their long-standing belief that football should be aesthetically pleasing, morally uplifting, and ideally accompanied by a short lecture on positional play.

“It’s bad enough when they bang on about ‘the project’ and ‘trusting the process’,” Williams continued. “But now there’s actual evidence it might work. That’s dangerous.”

Tottenham fan Dave Matthews told us, “They’re acting like it’s already won, completely ignoring the rich history of things going horribly wrong for them.”

“So yes, they’re favourites. But let’s see how they’re feeling when it inevitably comes down to the final day and everyone remembers who they are.”

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