Confused Trump shouting out “D5!” to sink Iranian ships

A confused Donald Trump is wondering why shouting out random letter and number combinations from the game ‘Battleship’ isn’t sinking any Iranian boats. 

Yesterday Trump confirmed the US had struck seven Iranian vessels in the Strait of Hormuz, but is now asking aides in the Situation Room why his ‘Battleship’ tactics aren’t working.

“It was hard to explain why the rules of ‘Battleship’ don’t translate to the real world,” said White House aide Simon Williams.

“He just kept shouting out things like ‘D5!’ and ‘C3!’ every time he saw an Iranian ship appear on the screen. It was so distracting. This is high-stakes stuff we’re dealing with here and it really doesn’t help to have an old man screaming letter and number combinations at the top of his lungs.

“Eventually we just had to humour him and blow a ship up every time he shouted one of his random combinations. He genuinely thought he was the one taking them out. He had no idea everything he was saying was completely useless and a waste of time. 

“I’m starting to think that’s how he got his hotels. Like does he think ‘Monopoly’ is real as well? Did he buy four houses before finally upgrading to a hotel? I really wouldn’t put it past him. I know he’s my boss, but the guy is an absolute lunatic.”