LIV Golf on lookout for new despotic regime with deep pockets

LIV Golf has confirmed it is actively seeking a fresh authoritarian backer, after discovering that even bottomless oil wealth apparently comes with an expiry date.

The embattled breakaway tour, which previously insisted money had no moral dimension whatsoever, is now said to be “keeping an open mind” about which strongman, junta, or mildly unhinged oligarch it might align itself with next.

A LIV spokesperson explained, “We’re not picky. All we’re really looking for is a questionable human rights record and a couple of billion pounds that need laundering through something with a leaderboard.”

Insiders say the organisation is drawing up a shortlist of potential partners, ranging from petro-states with “a bit of reputational tidying to do” to warlords who simply enjoy a good shotgun start.

“We’ve learned a lot,” the LIV spokesperson continued. “Primarily that if you’re going to attach your brand to a controversial regime, it’s important they remain enthusiastic about losing vast sums of money indefinitely.”

Players, many of whom previously discovered a deep and unshakeable belief in the separation of sport and ethics shortly after being handed nine-figure contracts, are reportedly relaxed about the search.

One anonymous golfer said, “Look, I just hit balls. If those balls happen to be funded by a dictatorship, that’s really a question for philosophers, isn’t it? Very well-paid philosophers, probably.”

Potential new investors are believed to include several regimes described by analysts as “deeply troubling but extremely liquid,” along with at least one billionaire whose hobbies include both golf and rewriting the US constitution.

At press time, LIV officials confirmed they were “very close” to securing a new deal, adding, “We’re confident there’s someone out there who both needs the PR and has absolutely no idea what a sustainable business model looks like.”