Gap between the rich and poor still not wide enough, insist the rich

The nation’s rich people today announced that despite new reports showing they live longer than their poor counterparts, the gap between themselves and the poor is still not nearly wide enough.

As new research revealed those living in wealthy areas could live 20 more years of good health than those living in the poorest areas, the nation’s super-rich said the gap could still do with being a bit bigger.

Sickeningly wealthy 55-year-old man Tarquin Jumbley-Bowes told us, “We rich people deserve the right to go about our business without encountering all those horrendous poor people.

“But if the wind is blowing in the right direction, I can smell chip shops and shell suits all the way up my hill.

“I realise the Government has spent the last twenty years doing everything they can to keep a decent gap between us and them, but frankly it’s not enough. If anything, the current lot are trying to make the gap smaller. Outrageous!

“Why can’t they build special towns for poor people and make them all live there? It worked perfectly well for Bracknell, after all.”

Many wealthy people feel let down by Government policies which have allowed some of the nation’s poor to creep ever closer to their exclusive circle.

Another obscenely rich woman told us, “It’s awful, frankly.

“I listened to their election promises and the Government said they would do everything in their power to rid this country of poor people.

“I assumed this meant shipping them all off somewhere, or forced sterilisation, but on my rare forays into the densely populated areas, it genuinely appears that there are even more of them than when they came to power.

“Is this what my taxes, well those I agreed to pay, go towards?  Really?”