BP doubling profits during an energy crisis just further proof that ‘the market works perfectly’

The business community has reacted to BP making a £3.2 billion profit in the first three months of this year, in the midst of an energy crisis caused by the US-Iran war, by insisting it is just further proof that market forces work really well for essential, previously state-owned, resources.

Oli industry spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Energy companies have long been known for their philanthropic environmental efforts, and as such, we should celebrate them when they are experiencing a huge profit windfall during a time of global energy crisis.

“Some people might suggest that energy companies making almost £40 million pounds in profit every single day while pensioners walk in the cold because they can’t afford the petrol is a national travesty. But remember, it’s just the market forces that we love and hold so dear working their magic in an industry where we’ve been lucky to introduce a profit motive.

“If the government hadn’t completely privatised BP in the late 70s and 80s, then most of this profit could have been wasted by public sector bureaucrats or nurses, or heaven forbid, spent on keeping your bills lower.

“If the market wants your granny to stumble home carrying her shopping instead of driving, while energy company executives can buy a third Caribbean home, then so be it.”

Voter Derek Matthews told us, “BP took less than one second – the blink of an eye – to make in profits what I earn in an entire year.

“I’m not saying profits are inherently evil; of course not. I’m just saying that making excessive profits from selling a human necessity like energy, during an energy crisis that is forcing people to stop consuming that specific necessity, is a bit evil.

“For context, that £3.2 billion is the equivalent of about £1,000 in profit a year for every single household in this country. Remember that next time you’re filling up the car.

“However, I guess we should be grateful it’s a privatised business, because I can’t imagine what our incompetent government would do with that sort of money.”

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