ICE agent wondering how many bodies he’d be able to fit into airport security tray

A federal agent is wondering how many bodies he’d be able to fit into a security tray after ICE was deployed to major airports across the US.

With the lack of airport staff creating large queues and long wait times thanks to a partial government shutdown, the US government has come up with the excellent idea of deploying ICE agents to help out instead. 

“My guess is two bodies,” said ICE agent Chuck Williams, measuring the security tray with a tape measure.

“Not that there’s going to be any bodies. Obviously an ICE agent would never kill anybody, wink-wink. It’s just a fun little game we like to play. You know, to work out in theory how many bodies the trays would actually hold. 

“My buddy reckons we could fit four in there easily, but I’m not so sure. I suppose if we moved a few things around it could work. Like if we take the person’s laptop, phone, belt and shoes out of the tray to free up some space. Yeah, that could actually work.

“My only worry is there’s a lot more cameras around in airports. A lot more footage or ‘evidence’ as some people might call it. I’ll just say they’ve got a gun. That should get me out of it. I should probably pick on someone petite just to be safe. You know, so it’s easier to fit in the tray. Airports have all these rules, so I don’t want to push my luck. 

“Also, does blood count as liquid? I’m asking for a friend.”

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