RFK Jr reintroduces the ‘five-second rule’ to help build America’s immune system

US health secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr has continued his crusade to Make America Healthy Again by introduced a mandatory ‘five second rule’ for food dropped on the floor.

RFK Jr, who has continuously embraced health-related conspiracy theories, including linking vaccines to autism, has insisted that ignoring ‘floor food’ is both wasteful and ignores a vital opportunity to build a robust immune system.

“Bobby Jr is a big believer that carpets hold a lot of valuable vitamins and nutrients that are important to the health of this nation,” said US health advisor Simon Williams.

“That’s why we’re introducing a new initiative requiring all dropped food to be eaten within five seconds. If you see a piece of food on the floor that has been there for less than five seconds, you are legally-required to shove it in your mouth.

“We don’t care if there’s a hair on it. We don’t care if there’s a fly on it. We don’t care if it’s underneath a pile of dog shit. You either pick it up and eat it or get a $1,000 fine.

“In fact, I ate a lovely piece of floor broccoli yesterday. My two year old threw it down there. But if my country requires me to eat a piece of broccoli that’s been thrown onto the doormat by the back door where we all wipe our shoes, then so be it.

“That’s what Trump’s America is all about.”