Confused Donald Trump urges UK not to give away Andy Garcia

Donald Trump has instructed Keir Starmer not to hand over Andy Garcia to Mauritius, after getting the actor mixed up with the Diego Garcia military base.

The Prime Minister’s Chagos Islands deal has come under more and more scrutiny lately, though it seems President Trump might’ve gotten his wires crossed about some of the deal’s specific details.

“He’s a tremendous actor, very handsome,” said huge Beverly Hills Chihuahua fan, Donald Trump.

“I’m not sure why the Prime Minister would agree to give him away to Mauritius. I know some people don’t like The Godfather III, but I still think he’s a great actor. It’s a very strange decision if you ask me.

“I did read that they’re willing to lease him back to the UK for the next 99 years, so I suppose that’s something. I’d still much prefer Andy Garcia remain under the UK’s permanent control though. Perhaps they could give them James Corden or something instead. You know, someone they wouldn’t miss quite as much.

“Come to think of it, isn’t Andy Garcia an American citizen? So why the hell are we letting the UK give away US property? Oh, they’re giving away Diego Garcia. Okay, that makes a lot more sense.

“What’s he been in again? Is that the guy from Andor?”