King Charles puts phone on silent

King Charles has reportedly switched his phone to silent amid fears he might get a call from Andrew asking his big brother for help.

Andrew was arrested by police at Sandringham Estate on suspicion of misconduct in public office, with King Charles deciding the best course of action is to pretend it hasn’t happened. 

“Andrew? Never heard of him,” said King Charles, cutting the wire to the landline. 

“You keep talking about this fellow, but I can assure you I’ve never come across this so-called Mountbatten-Windsor in my life. Perhaps you mean my one and only brother Edward? He’s such a wonderful chap. The best brother I could ask for. Did I mention I only have one brother?

“Nope, the name Andrew certainly doesn’t ring a bell. He was a Prince you say? Well, I was a Prince most of my life and I certainly never came across another one called Andrew. There was Prince Charles, Prince Edward, Prince T’Challa, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, but no Prince Andrew. 

“I don’t wish to call you a liar, but it seems you may have gotten your facts slightly muddled. I have never met anybody called Andrew in my life and my mother most certainly did not give him £12 million to pay off Virginia Giuffre. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must get back to throwing my iPhone into the Thames.”

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