C̶o̶n̶s̶e̶r̶v̶a̶t̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶P̶a̶r̶t̶y̶ Reform UK announces shadow cabinet

The public have finally been given a glimpse of their alternative government after C̶o̶n̶s̶e̶r̶v̶a̶t̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶P̶a̶r̶t̶y̶ Reform UK announced its first ‘shadow cabinet’ should they win the next general election.

Nigel Farage revealed his top team during a press conference in London, showcasing the very best of what the T̶o̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ Reform has to offer.

“This is a decent-looking shadow cabinet for the Conservatives…Sorry, I keep doing that for some reason,” said political analyst Simon Williams.

“Obviously this is all hypothetical at the moment, but Robert Jenrick is a great pick for Chancellor in my opinion.

“Jenrick is Conservative through and through so that means… Damn, I just did it again, didn’t I? Sorry, about that. I just can’t seem to stop calling them the Conservatives. It’s very unprofessional of me.

“Look, all I’m trying to say is appointing Suella Braverman as education secretary is a stroke of genius for the Conformatives. Oh for goodness sake. A stroke of genius for Re…Ref…Refor… Christ, why is this so hard?! They’re completely different parties! Their rosette is a slightly lighter shade of blue and everything!

“Okay, let me compose myself and try again. In my opinion, Zia Yusuf is the perfect home secretary choice for the Reformatives…the Refories…Reform UK. Yes! I did it! I actually bloody did it! See, Reform UK isn’t that hard to say! Reform UK and their leader Nigel Badenoch.

“Oh bugger.”