Ghislaine Maxwell pardoned by random White House staffer

Ghislaine Maxwell has been pardoned by the same White House staffer who posted the racist Obama video, after the Trump administration confirmed the president never does his own pardoning. 

This week, Ghislaine Maxwell said she would speak honestly about Jeffrey Epstein if granted clemency by President Trump, which has subsequently led to a full pardon by an unnamed White House staffer. 

“I can confirm it was the same staffer that posted the Obama video,” admitted White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. 

“I’ve gotta say, this fake outrage is completely ridiculous. You can’t expect President Trump to do all his own pardons can you? He’s an extremely busy man. The pardon was done completely in error by White House staffer Forename Surname. Case closed. 

“I’m sure people are going to read way too much into this. They’ll probably say President Trump pardoned Maxwell to save himself and then just blamed any backlash on a White House staffer. It’s really sad and pathetic, to be honest with you.

“Obviously it’s too late to revoke the pardon. What’s done is done. I guess that means Ghislaine Maxwell is completely indebted to President Trump.

“Wait, did I just say President Trump? I meant to say indebted to the staffer. Who is totally, 100% a real person.

“His name is Steve or Brian. We haven’t decided yet.”

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