Learner drivers to be taught insults and aggressive hand gestures to better prepare them for UK roads

Learner drivers will be taught a range of vulgar expletive-laden insults and aggressive hand gestures, in order to prepare them better to drive on UK roads, according to government sources today.

With news emerging that drivers may also have to wait six months between sitting their theory and practical tests, further news has now emerged that drivers will also be asked to demonstrate that they can tell another driver to ‘f**k right off’ whilst calling him a wanker with one hand. 

Simon Williams, spokesperson for the Department for Transport told us “The ability to easily abuse fellow road users is an essential part of driving in the UK.”

“We can confirm that learner drivers will now be asked to learn a wide range of obscene swear words to be used against other drivers and pedestrians, should the circumstances arise. Which they will, because these are British roads we’re talking about.

“This will be backed up by a basic level of obscene hand gesture training, which will largely involve the middle finger, sticking two fingers up or giving an aggressive wanker sign.

“All must be delivered safely and appropriately, while ensuring one hand remains on the steering wheel at all times.

“Obviously people should already know the basics such as ‘fuck off’ or ‘fucking idiot’ but there are of course still a number of essential insults which need to be covered before you are in a safe position to drive.

“Like ‘MOVE YOU FUCKING PRICK’ or ‘THEY ARE ON FUCKING GREEN’ or ‘YOU CAN FIT A FUCKING TANK THROUGH THERE’. The list goes on.

“We hope that within a few years the nation’s roads will be filled with young drivers who can safely abuse just about every driver who inconveniences them in even the most minor way possible.”

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