Today either Tuesday, Friday or Sunday, estimates delirious nation

After much deliberation and debate, the confused people of the UK have mutually agreed that today is either Tuesday, Friday or Sunday.

“My guess is Friday,” said a weary Simon Williams, unwrapping the final Bounty in the Celebrations tub.

“Although we’re not 100% certain what day it is, we did manage to narrow it down to Tuesday, Friday or Sunday. It’s definitely not Wednesday. I think we’re all in agreement there. The general consensus is that it doesn’t feel very Wednesday-ey to us.

“I did hear some rumours from up north that it could actually be Monday, but those reports have been unconfirmed so far. Could it be Thursday? Look, I wouldn’t rule anything out at this point. Thursday is a possibility we’ve been considering. 

“I’m pretty sure we haven’t done New Year’s Eve yet. Having said that, I did enter a dreamlike state last night where I could’ve sworn Jools Holland appeared in my bedroom. Gregory Porter was there as well. Paul Weller was sitting at the end of my bed too. Personally, I think my mind was just playing tricks on me because I’d eaten cheese for six consecutive meals.

“Surely if I’d already watched the Hootenanny I would’ve remembered it, right?

“Don’t take my word for it, though. It could be February for all I know.”

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