Keir Starmer demands to see trick or treater’s digital IDs

Prime Minister Keir Starmer has refused to give out any sweets to trick or treaters this Halloween until they show him evidence of their digital ID, it’s been revealed. 

“Fun-sized Mar bars are only for people with the right to reside in the UK,” said Starmer, dressed in his usual Halloween costume of Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones’ Diary. 

“Let me be clear, that anyone who does not provide evidence of a digital ID will be turned away from 10 Downing Street completely Freddo-less, and will be dealt with by the proper authorities. It’s as simple as that.

“Not only did we think it was necessary to bring forward the date of implementing digital IDs to align with Halloween, we also deemed it necessary to lower the age bracket to anyone eight-years-old and above.

“This will ensure that only children with the right to remain in the UK will receive Skittles, Wham bars and whatever random pieces of leftover Quality Street we have in the cupboard. That is a promise.

“And let me be clear once again, clearer than I was earlier on when I said ‘Let me be clear’, that Labour will do our utmost to provide sweet security to the entire nation, whatever it takes. 

“Did I mention I was clear?”

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