Future Gaza peace plans to be placed directly into the shredder

Israel and Hamas have decided to speed up negotiations between the two sides by agreeing to put any future peace plans directly into the shredder. 

It comes after air strikes were carried out in Gaza last night following accusations from Israeli officials that Hamas had violated the ceasefire, with both sides now agreeing that the immediate shredding of any future peace deals would be the best course of action. 

“Israel and Hamas have gone halves on a really good quality shredder,” said Middle East correspondent Simon Williams. 

“Israel was never going to stop bombing Gaza, so they’ve all decided that any future peace plans would just be instantly destroyed. It’s a marvellous bit of kit, I have to say. It can shred 18 pages at a time, has a 28-litre waste bin and it finishes with a beautiful cross-cut. I was absolutely blown away when I saw it.

“Oh, and don’t worry. Israel has made sure to thank Donald Trump for his part in helping the two sides choose the right shredder.

“In fact, his shredder-picking skills have been so effective they’ve put him forward for the Nobel Piece Prize. It’s pretty similar to the Nobel Peace Prize, but instead of a medal, it’s just little pieces of the peace plan shredded by Israel and Hamas.

“I’m sure the slivers of paper will look wonderful in the Oval Office.”

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →