Tory Party announce plans to deport everyone

The Tory Party have announced new plans to combat immigration by deporting everyone.

“We here in the Tory party think there has been far too much pussy-footing around on the subject of immigration. So, when we are elected to government, we will deport everyone,” explained Reginald Bottom, the Tory Shadow Minister for Being Mean to Foreigners.

The announcement comes in the wake of the Reform Party pledge to remove the concept of Indefinite Leave to Remain.

“I think that what we’re seeing with Reform is that their immigration plans are basically woke nonsense. The Tory party are the only ones getting serious about immigration,” said Mr Bottom.

“The benefits of deporting everyone are clear to see,” he continued.

“If no one’s living here then that will take a huge load off the health service, off public transport. Welfare bills will be slashed, we’ll be able to cut taxes to almost nothing. No more traffic jams, no more crime. Were you aware that a disproportionate amount of crime is carried out by people who live in this country?”

Mr Bottom believed that people would be happy to vote for a party that planned to deport them.

“Of course. The decent men and woman of this country. The silent majority. They don’t mind putting up with a few hardships and difficulties if, ultimately, it’s for the good of this country.”

When it was pointed out that deporting everyone would lead to a decimated Border Force and no barriers for immigrants to come and live in the country, Mr Bottom had a clear plan.

“We’ll deal with the problem of having no Border Force the same way every government deals with any problem when reality impedes on their immigration plans. We’ll just get a load of cheap foreign labour to do the job for us.”

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