Trump furious at release of Epstein birthday book, demands right to redraw the boobs “properly”
by Rich Smith 1 year ago 
Donald Trump has slammed US lawmakers for releasing a Jeffrey Epstein birthday book that allegedly contains a bawdy birthday card from Trump featuring a hand-drawn naked woman, claiming the alleged artwork was “not anatomically correct” and did not meet his “usual, very classy, frankly gorgeous artistic standards.”
The card, unearthed by The Wall Street Journal and now released by the House Oversight Committee, is said to feature a typewritten note alongside a drawing of a naked woman, with Trump’s signature scrawled suspiciously in the general region of her pubic area.
But Trump has denied any involvement, insisting that if he had drawn it, “the boobs would’ve been symmetrical, tasteful, and probably gold-plated.”
“I don’t draw women, never have, never will. Unless it’s a perfect ten,” Trump told his followers on Truth Social.
“This thing? Crooked lines, terrible shading, zero cleavage. Amateur hour. Like something Joe Biden might draw. Or crooked Hilary herself.”
The former president is now demanding the “right to redraw the boobs properly,” insisting the current version “doesn’t reflect the values of tasteful eroticism I embody as a former pageant owner.”
Trump’s legal team has filed a motion with the Department of Justice requesting access to the card so that he can “fix the artistic errors” and reissue the letter with “big, beautiful knockers” and a note reading “Happy Birthday, and may every day be just as classy and consensual.”
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt clarified, “The president’s outrage is purely artistic in nature. He feels the nipples were poorly executed and frankly not presidential.”
Asked why the letter was signed “Donald” in the shape of a curly bush, Trump again denied involvement: “That could’ve been anyone. Probably Obama.”
Sources say Trump plans to auction off the “corrected” card at Mar-a-Lago later this year, framed between two Miss Universe sashes and a federal subpoena.
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