Being a ‘good friend’ of Epstein makes Mandelson the perfect Ambassador to Trump’s United States, insists government
by Rich Smith 1 year ago 
The government has doubled down on its inspired choice of Lord Mandelson as Britain’s man in Washington, insisting that his lengthy, heartfelt birthday message to Jeffrey Epstein makes him “uniquely qualified” to represent the UK in Donald Trump’s America.
The message, written in Epstein’s infamous 50th birthday guestbook, reportedly runs to several pages, complete with affectionate in-jokes and a slightly too-knowing use of scare quotes. Officials say this shows Mandelson has the right “tone of intimacy” for navigating America’s most intimate of political circles.
“It’s not every day you find an ambassador who can write to a convicted sex offender with the same energy most people reserve for a wedding card,” explained a Foreign Office spokesperson.
“The current Oval Office resident was found liable for sexual offences, so Peter is perfect for this role. Frankly, we’d be wasting that kind of talent on Belgium.”
Critics have pointed out that Trump’s own name appears in the book, though the former President insists it must be “fake” despite once describing Epstein as a “terrific guy” and inviting him to one of his many weddings (sources can’t remember which one, possibly the one with the chocolate fountain).
Government insiders, however, argue this overlap only strengthens Mandelson’s case, with a Downing Street spokesperson telling us, “If Trump and Epstein were pals, and Mandelson and Epstein were pals, then logically Mandelson and Trump are destined to be the best of friends.
“Diplomacy in the Trump era is basically Tinder, with more gold ornaments.”
Asked if Mandelson’s deep ties to Epstein might prove diplomatically embarrassing, one unnamed minister laughed, “Embarrassing? Have you seen who’s running America? This is like sending a karaoke enthusiast to Tokyo. He’ll fit right in.”
Meanwhile, voter Simon Williams told us, “I don’t care how good he is at the job, they have to fire him. Mainly because giving political legitimacy to that Epstein birthday book a week before Trump’s state visit to the UK would be the funniest thing possible.”
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